You know those seasons where one thing follows another . . . follows another . . . and another . . . and you don’t have much breathing space . . . and your logistics better be perfectly lined up . . . and your brain is is in nomad mode . . . and it can be hard to stay present?
May and June were a bit like that 🙂 So here’s an overdue update of my little corner of the world.
Dominoes
I’m always hesitant to say, “Ooh, I’m so busy”, so I’ll call May and June my domino months.
May kicked off with a run of plays: Tapas Theatre, a first for the George Arts Theatre. We had five famous pieces, all condensed to 20-30 minutes, staged by five different directors and five different casts. Each play was paired with an appropriate snack, and a narrator tied everything together with background tidbits. The plays walked the audience through several ages and genres: Medea, Twelfth Night, The Importance of Being Ernest, A Doll’s House and The Glass Menagerie.
I was privileged to play Laura in The Glass Menagerie. I got to know and work with some fabulously talented and kind people; it was, like all my theatre experiences, enriching. But it was also my most difficult, thanks to some backstage tension and in-house challenges. Normally my excitement skyrockets towards the end of tech week, when things finally start happening, and by opening night I’m chomping at the bit. But this time our final rehearsals were like mountains to climb. By show week I could feel the tension in my upper body (no happy butterflies) and I had to force myself to eat. My positive past experiences made this so much worse.
Be that as it may, the audiences loved the shows and the concept 🙂 And I have never received such love and heartfelt kindness from fellow thespians. The other actors called out the gold in me and left me speechless. I hang onto that and I know we’re all richer for this crazy ride, challenging as it was.
After our four-show run I went straight into exam prep for the end of May. Various things contributed to making this a tricky exam season; I had to dig deep for motivation and diligence. My exams were two days apart (only two subjects, thank goodness), and then it was into my next adventure . . .
. . . Teen-sitting for friends of ours!
These same friends opened their home to me for three weeks after our move last year. They went overseas for two weeks, and I stayed on their plot with two teenagers, five dogs, an assortment of chickens and goats and a solitary pig. My role was that of Responsible Adult, but you’ll have to ask the boys how that turned out 😉
Crazy as it sounds (and completely unexpected), that fortnight was a joy. We ended up looking after and out for each other. I have stories about helping to refuel and start the generator in the rain in my PJ’s, changing a huge gas bottle (I TOLD YOU TO TURN IT TO THE LEFT xD), and a walkie-talkie being snuck into my car. (“Big Brother is watching you? Not today, sucker!”- As I rip out the batteries.)
We did the shopping and cooking together and went for a lot of milkshake dates. We took walks and often drove the long way home. We had Hogan’s Heroes marathons and kitchen dance parties. And we went to bed late and took forever over meals because we had such good conversations. The boys are 14 and 15, but I’ve had better discussions with them than most (if not all) of the 20-somethings I’ve gone on dates with. We were all emotional after the two-week holiday, as they called it. I felt like a child going back to boarding school when I returned to my flat. I’m so grateful for the shared memories and the deeper appreciation we have for each other.
Honesty cards
My last domino ties into the brutally honest cards. One thing I missed during my “holiday” was my bicycle. The weather and circumstances meant four cycling-less weeks. I was thrilled to be back in the saddle – but during my second ride I had my first proper fall. It left me with a sprained hand (my left one, thankfully), terrifically purple hip and a properly roasted knee.
I was at my parents’ place when it happened, so we extended my weekend stay until Thursday 😉 Shopping, cooking and dishes just intimidated me. I’m healing well, but now it’s a case of feeling better, overdoing it, and hurting again the next day. Plus I’m super miffed that I can’t cycle or fiddle, both of which keep me sane xD
A friend said she thinks it’s God’s way of forcing me to rest after my domino season. I’ve often asked Him what He wants me to do in this quieter post-exam time – now even quieter with the fall rendering some things impossible!
And you know, God’s idea of a “productive” season doesn’t look anything like mine. His involves hugs. Listening as someone unburdens. Sending that long voice note with a prayer at the end. Writing a note. A long coffee date. Keeping the twins entertained while their mamma shops. Hours in conversation with my sister about the stuff that really matters.
That is what God sent across my path these past few weeks. I’m trying to be faithful in what He calls me to.
I’ve also had very honest conversations with Him about my own struggles. I don’t feel good enough, I tell Him. I feel like a failure on all fronts. I don’t like the cup He’s given me. Why do I always have to tackle loneliness and Useless-itis? Haven’t I learned what I’m supposed to, after seven, eight years? Why the same thing over and over, which just compounds my feeling that I am a Failed Twenty-Four? Why do I feel like He’s always making me wait? I’m always being slowed down and forced to brake . . . What is the method to the madness?
Yet.
He doesn’t owe me answers.
He has the big picture. I don’t.
He’s concerned about my character. My comfort? Not so much.
His plans for me spring from a Father’s heart of everlasting love.
He is teaching me to be a child. You learn dependence and humility when forced to boast in God and God alone.
And those around me have moved me to tears with encouragement, wisdom, and love (again and again). Cappuccino on someone else’s account. Prayers for my bruised hand. The perfect Scriptures. A bag of one of the boys’ homemade fudge (snuck into my car before work). Hugs on fragile days. Money literally falling from heaven into my bank account. Heartfelt reminders that I am not a failure – and this is why.
It is incredibly humbling when people who have seen you at your best and worst still remind you of your best. They reach behind the facade and find your real worth, holding it up when you question your value and purpose.
“You’re a deeply-rooted tree,” said one of my dearest friends. “They take much longer to grow than a wildflower, for example.”
No, God’s pace is not mine. But He will do whatever it takes – gently but persistently – to temper my independence and keep me in step with Him.
Only by Grace 